Dear Megan,
It's hard having someone close to you with addiction problems. You always feel their suffering and want to help. Yet, they want help, but often don't want, or won't try, to change.
It's normal to fell torn by all the emotions that you must be going through. You feel sadness for and responsibility towards your brother. You may feel shame when your with friends or neighbours. You may also feel anger, bitterness, rage, and pity. You may feel happiness in your own life, then guilt when your brother or family is miserable or having a hard time. On top of it all, as a sixteen year old, you are learning how to socialize with other teens inching towards adulthood and figuring out dating.
No wonder you are confused!
This is normal for your situation. There's nothing wrong with you.
Your brother may have hurt you, but you are not a victim. He feels that he is a victim of everything. He may feel misunderstood, angry, scared, but most of all: victimized by everyone. He feels sorry for himself.
This is not your problem. It's his. He has to WANT to change. You, or your parents, can't make him change.
You are right that your parents feel responsible for him. They may even be enabling him. You can't change that either. This is their path to travel.
Meanwhile, you need to get on with your life. You need to talk to someone. You may have seen a counselor, but there is no quick fix for everything that you are going through. You need to talk to someone that you trust. You need to do so regularly and often. It is often helpful to talk to people that are going through the same issues. Find an Al-Ateen or equivalent program in your town.
Don't let your happiness get tied up with that of your brother. If he wasn't your brother, would you want him as a friend? Would you put up with his behavior from a schoolmate or a stranger?
He will try to get a reaction from you again. Don't let his words get to you. They are weapons of a troubled person. Don't try to solve his problems. Offer whatever help you can or want to give, but don't fell guilty about not catering to his every whim. He has become a taker and will never be happy with what you have to give. He may try to blame you for some of his problems. You need to understand and accept that this is part of his problem. Feel comfortable with who you are. You are not an expert on drug addiction and it is unfair for your older brother to try to burden you. Don't accept his words and you won't take them personally. Trust me, every negative thing he says will eventually add to his guilt. He needs to learn to stop.
The only thing that you can reasonably be expected to do is to ask your parents to have him committed to a drug addiction facility, or to get a lawyer and go to court and force your brother to go if he his an adult. If your parents are unwilling to do this, then you have done your part and need not feel guilty about getting on with your life.
Finally, you need to talk, talk, talk about what you're going through. Don't give up on counselors, therapy or support groups. Go to a clinic, your school nurse, or your doctor and find out what programs are out there for you. Al-Ateen is a very good start.
Good Luck.